Tuesday, 11 January 2011

A Dark Apocalyptic Vision

Fleeting is how all of my desires, wants and needs seem to have been for the past couple o' weeks. I seem to have been really motivated, by about a billion different things*, my drive for things is very high, and that's quite unlike me.

I've decided beer is no longer allowed in my life, as I'm making a genuine push towards getting fit again (it's wierd how progression in this case is going backwards), and it's in no way helpful. Beer is a bad friend. Wise as ever, I've decided to replace it with Vodka. Dirt-cheap, could-be-used-to-clean-toilets Vodka. It's £4 for 1/3 litre, and it comes in a pouch. It's like Capri-Sun for the sauce dependant. I honestly believe this was a low point of my life. On the flip side of that, it's only the start of the year, so things have to get better right? Right...that's how it works isn't it?

Despite reminding me of industrial cleaning fluid, it went down easy enough with coke (Zero, health remember?), and served it's purpose, that of hitting my better judgment with a sledgehammer and telling it to get the hell out for the night. At Sean's behest we were at the one night only of Revolution at the Academy. Sean rarely makes good plans. He doesn't think logically, or tactfully. This was essentially his "The Art of War". Everyone had a brilliant night. Liv stole my clothing. I danced my face off with Chloe. Yet again Eve decided that standing was for amatuers and instead I should carry her. We got repeatedly assaulted by the creepiest person in there. Jake's uncanny gaydar went off. Sarah made me do the worm. No tactics perfect I suppose. Award for the stangest moment of the night goes to Min, who actually took me to the library.

Last night was entertaining, There was liberal abuse of each other's social network acounts, Chicken, Coffeecake, and the Oily bed incident. I'm off to York in a couple of weeks for a couple of nights. I'm glad it's with Tash.

*clearly an exaggeration, get over it you prick.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

2011: A prelude.

Right, I've failed to cover christmas in the correct year, so I'll give it a bash.

First off, Charli and myself  (mostly Charli) were fantastic during our tight knit meal lark. Mexican was the flavour of the season as we Asshats celebrated christmas. It was spicy chicken, tortillas and condiments everywhere, followed by a ludicrously rich white chocolate and toffee cheesecake. In the end I ended up eating roughly half of this beast. Thanks Charles. On to presents etc, I received good ones. Chili Chocolate, tabletop hockey, a nice new sketch pad, BookyWooks, and rather thoughtfully a mug which reads "I'm a twat". I handed out presents, which were also good, as I am incredible. Charli's teapot is sat in front of me though, and Tash's present has only just shipped this week, stupid Muse. Oh God  I didn't mean that please forgive me. I did however compensate her.

Christmas Eve was an extremely messy affair. Twas the night before Christmas and there was somewhat a gathering of old pals, a tale which I've already covered, but hardly did justice, mostly due to alcohol. It was more fun than i made out, and I was overly harsh. But I'm a twat (we've covered that too haven't we?)

Christmas Day was a bit of a shocker, as I didn't rise till past eleven o'clock. I have been known to vomit with excitement on Christmas day, a tradition I continued well into my teens (seriously), so I suppose it's probably a welcome change. I wasn't excited at all, not so far as apathetic, but unenthused i think is probably an accurtate term. I was tired and a touch hungover. I was kind of like a dazed bear as I unwrapped my presents, some of which were shockingly thoughtful, thanks for that Mother, you've impressed me. The Jack Daniel's was appreciated but anticipated. Dinner started my drinking ( I was barely sober from the day before) with my Grandma, and it was downhill from there. After she started on immigrants, I took my leave of the table, and retired to drink more, and play World Of Warcraft. I had nothing better to do. Until Eve decided things were going to get a touch personal.

We have this over-share thing, whenever we're drunk. Inhibitions and physical prescence removed (via alcohol, and my beautiful mistress the internet), we simply tell each other anything that we ask. It's a good arrangement, although not as good when it's one sided. This time it was the good kind. Lots of girl talk. Worrying really, but I like advice and the like. We sat, and made unreasonably personal enquiries, and got more and more drunk. By the end I felt like Robert Downey Junior.

Boxing Day arrived in a haze. I'd emptied half a bottle of Gentleman Jack. Good one Michael, really clever idea. A great success. My goal of course had been to make myself feel like I'd slept in a centrifuge.  My room didn't stop moving that day, as within mere hours of waking up, I was drinking again as preperation for Boxing Day Krash. Excellent night. Hugely overzealous greetings (actually being leapt upon) and huge amounts of alcohol where consumed. I vaguely remember doing the Worm (Resolution #1 DO NOT DO THE WORM). I almost defeated Jennifer, and apparently I kissed everyone. Sorry guys.

The following few days where a blur. Hangover, work, work, hangover, work, tamest New Years Eve ever in my life. This may sound anti-climactic after three days of Gazza-worthy binge, but it was honestly lovely. We had a casual couple of beverages (we being Tash and Me), before Erminia miraculously arrived in a state several states south of sober. She'd just been hit on by a friend of the family's child, and was not impressed. More drink then I suppose. We saw in the bells with Jared Leto's beutiful voice, with Kings and Queens blasting out of my speakers at the ever popular volume of "Melt Furniture". Then my mother arrived, blind drunk, making Miss Winehouse look like an amatuer. I'll gloss past this.

Erminia left, me and Tash went to bed, talked for an unreasonable amount of time, and eventually passed out.

Hello 2011, 2010 was quite good, so I have expectations. They'll be next. Oh, and the prelude is 2011, 2012 is the main feature: Z-Pocalypse.

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Christmas Eve

I'm well aware it's Christmas, I never do things on time though.

Yesterday was christmas Eve (naturally seeing as how time and that works), and there was a gathering of old pals in the pub. I hadn't seen some of them in over a year, and my reaction to seeing them again shocked me, based the realisation on how much I had missed each of them.

This reaction was dependant on the person, but it turns out I'd missed some of my friends far more than I thought I had, and other's far, far less. It was pointed out to my be one of the missed, that the unmissed simply haven't changed. More to the point they haven't done anything. They still just discuss exactly the same things we did in school, the same things we joked about, the same stories etc, etc, etc. It's been 3 years since we left, and they've done nothing at all worthy of talking about? That or they're just dull. Either way, I was disappointed that I'd gotten excited to see folks only to feel so apathetic at the reality.

On the flipside of that argument, I REALLY missed some of my friends, and what's worse is I've no excuse for having not seen some of them. They live within walking distance. I am useless. Anyway, as opposed to reminiscing, we sat and discussed new interests, including a rather unexpected turn of intense geekery which pleased me to no end, latest activities, plans for the future, and generally ripped thie piss out of each other. Mostly me with regards to my questionable activities with women of late. Oh and there was that thing about someone putting there arms inside sheep...live sheep.

It's coming up New Year, and hopefully I'll start updating this thing more often, and keep it up to date. I'll do christmas tommorow hopefully. Then I might do asshat christmas retroactively. Or I'll sit and drink myself to oblivion, it is fucking Christmas.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Ok, Now I Hate The Snow.

Like most of you I have a tendancy to dislike things which almost take my life, hence the title. I recently got lost after an appalingly drunken night on the town. I remember roughly four percent of it. This, in and of itself is not good. When you end up staring down the barrel of the inevitable walk home after realising that it's five miles,  no money for a taxi, and that it's minus seven degrees celcius, you begin to feel despair. Then you realise you're only wearing a t-shirt, and that it's snowing heavily again. It was at this point I felt the need to knock over roughly fifty wheelie bins to vent. I recovered(ish) when I realised I knew how to get home, and off I set. I didn't feel the cold at all. I had no hangover the next day at all. However, I don't think I've ever woken up feeling more disgusted with myself in my life. My memory had more holes in it than an American highschool, I felt so battered (presumably from falling over) that I could've been raped by the Hulk for all I knew, and I had bruises on the palm of my hand. I didn't even know people under 80 could get bruised hands. Fuck this shit.

You may find yourselves absolutely shcoked to discover it actually tought me a lesson. Not only did I stay sober for the entire next week, the next weekend I didn't venture further than tipsy. Four beers as a predrink, check.
No shots when out clubbing, check. Take home gay girl, check. That last bit might look not so sensible to the unimformed...oh well. Between these events was plenty of dancing, good times, encouraging violence and laughs. I didn't do a single thing I don't remember, nor anything that disgusted me. Lesson learned in the long run I'd say. Go me. Moral of the story, don't fuck a wounded bear.

And for the curious, she may get her own entry in the somewhat forseeable future. You guys know how unreliable I am.

Friday, 3 December 2010

Alcohol Fuelled (Mis)Adventures

Is pretty much all I've been up to since last time, besides the mundane usual of hanging and loungeing. Mostly because of the fucking snow.

Normally, as mentioned,  I love snow, I really do. But when it get's to the point where you fear to leave the house in case you're eaten by a wampa, you really start to hate it. The roads are backed up, I've spent hours trying to get to and from work, I'm frozen cold unless I wrap myself up so that I resemble a member of the I.R.A. It's going to be a very long winter.

To this end I have been socially drinking as frequently as possible. So far it has yielded positive results, as nothing terrible has happened and I've made a new friend (which in itself could be considered terrible to the outside world of normal folk, as it seems we're deeply strange).

However we did get stranded in the snow, in Newcastle until 2 AM, which was horrendous. We managed to get home in a black cab with an architecture student names Sebastien. I've now met two real life Sebastiens, and I feel my life is a little better for it. It's the sort of name that makes you suspect that they're secretly a sociopatic serial killer with a fetish for shoes.

Other than that, it's fairly uneventful, so if you'll kindly excuse me, I'm off to watch misfits, listen to Alexisonfire, and reminisce about this time last year when I found a fucking turtle.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Well Haven't I Been Lazy?

There's been an awful lack of blog recently. For this I apologise. Well, if you care that there's been lack of blog I apologise. But anyway, on to what I've been up to, which honestly isn't an awful lot.

I've been hanging out with friends I rarely see more frequently, which in and of itself is a big win. I've been eating a lot more sushi too. Also good.

Recently I've been bullied into watching Misfits, and for this I am eternally grateful. If you don't enjoy the idea of super-powered young offenders with ASBO's and some severe personality disorders then I'm afraid I must no longer consider you a friend.

Musically life's been different too. Daniel is slowly taking over all of my taste in music. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's one of the few differences between us, and I actually fear we may become some form of gestalt super entity. Live in fear Earth. Also in the vein of music, I saw 30 Seconds To Mars last night, and unsurprisingly they were incredible. The shocker being I also saw Enter Shikari, who I do not like, and my mind was blown. Turns out they put on an incredible live show. Very impressed I was. I hate being wrong.

In cinema news, I recently saw part one of part seven of Harry Potter. I was very, very impressed with it. The tone is right for the film, everything has the same bleak feel to it, it has the sense of gloom and imminent doom that one imagines holidaying in Chernobyl may bring about. Another thing I loved about it is that all three of the leads can actually act now. Dear Miss Watson, it's been a long journey, but I am very glad you stuck with it. Oh, and that red dress. Oh that red dress.

Being as I am from the North, it's now that the weather turns and we cry about it, but not I. There's about two feet of snow in my back garden right now, and I love it. Next snowfall I think I will have to construct more children from snow a la last year. This year I think filling the park's a good idea.

Since I haven't really been up to much else, I think I'll leave it at that, time to be a massive geek and paint some robots.

Wait no, I beat House to a diagnosis. Life complete.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

My friends

I love them. Lots.
If they got petrified would I fuck wait for the mandrakes to grow. I'd fucking buy some, I'm not a cheapskate and deus ex machina doesn't feature highly on my list of important things.

Have this,