Tuesday, 11 January 2011

A Dark Apocalyptic Vision

Fleeting is how all of my desires, wants and needs seem to have been for the past couple o' weeks. I seem to have been really motivated, by about a billion different things*, my drive for things is very high, and that's quite unlike me.

I've decided beer is no longer allowed in my life, as I'm making a genuine push towards getting fit again (it's wierd how progression in this case is going backwards), and it's in no way helpful. Beer is a bad friend. Wise as ever, I've decided to replace it with Vodka. Dirt-cheap, could-be-used-to-clean-toilets Vodka. It's £4 for 1/3 litre, and it comes in a pouch. It's like Capri-Sun for the sauce dependant. I honestly believe this was a low point of my life. On the flip side of that, it's only the start of the year, so things have to get better right? Right...that's how it works isn't it?

Despite reminding me of industrial cleaning fluid, it went down easy enough with coke (Zero, health remember?), and served it's purpose, that of hitting my better judgment with a sledgehammer and telling it to get the hell out for the night. At Sean's behest we were at the one night only of Revolution at the Academy. Sean rarely makes good plans. He doesn't think logically, or tactfully. This was essentially his "The Art of War". Everyone had a brilliant night. Liv stole my clothing. I danced my face off with Chloe. Yet again Eve decided that standing was for amatuers and instead I should carry her. We got repeatedly assaulted by the creepiest person in there. Jake's uncanny gaydar went off. Sarah made me do the worm. No tactics perfect I suppose. Award for the stangest moment of the night goes to Min, who actually took me to the library.

Last night was entertaining, There was liberal abuse of each other's social network acounts, Chicken, Coffeecake, and the Oily bed incident. I'm off to York in a couple of weeks for a couple of nights. I'm glad it's with Tash.

*clearly an exaggeration, get over it you prick.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

2011: A prelude.

Right, I've failed to cover christmas in the correct year, so I'll give it a bash.

First off, Charli and myself  (mostly Charli) were fantastic during our tight knit meal lark. Mexican was the flavour of the season as we Asshats celebrated christmas. It was spicy chicken, tortillas and condiments everywhere, followed by a ludicrously rich white chocolate and toffee cheesecake. In the end I ended up eating roughly half of this beast. Thanks Charles. On to presents etc, I received good ones. Chili Chocolate, tabletop hockey, a nice new sketch pad, BookyWooks, and rather thoughtfully a mug which reads "I'm a twat". I handed out presents, which were also good, as I am incredible. Charli's teapot is sat in front of me though, and Tash's present has only just shipped this week, stupid Muse. Oh God  I didn't mean that please forgive me. I did however compensate her.

Christmas Eve was an extremely messy affair. Twas the night before Christmas and there was somewhat a gathering of old pals, a tale which I've already covered, but hardly did justice, mostly due to alcohol. It was more fun than i made out, and I was overly harsh. But I'm a twat (we've covered that too haven't we?)

Christmas Day was a bit of a shocker, as I didn't rise till past eleven o'clock. I have been known to vomit with excitement on Christmas day, a tradition I continued well into my teens (seriously), so I suppose it's probably a welcome change. I wasn't excited at all, not so far as apathetic, but unenthused i think is probably an accurtate term. I was tired and a touch hungover. I was kind of like a dazed bear as I unwrapped my presents, some of which were shockingly thoughtful, thanks for that Mother, you've impressed me. The Jack Daniel's was appreciated but anticipated. Dinner started my drinking ( I was barely sober from the day before) with my Grandma, and it was downhill from there. After she started on immigrants, I took my leave of the table, and retired to drink more, and play World Of Warcraft. I had nothing better to do. Until Eve decided things were going to get a touch personal.

We have this over-share thing, whenever we're drunk. Inhibitions and physical prescence removed (via alcohol, and my beautiful mistress the internet), we simply tell each other anything that we ask. It's a good arrangement, although not as good when it's one sided. This time it was the good kind. Lots of girl talk. Worrying really, but I like advice and the like. We sat, and made unreasonably personal enquiries, and got more and more drunk. By the end I felt like Robert Downey Junior.

Boxing Day arrived in a haze. I'd emptied half a bottle of Gentleman Jack. Good one Michael, really clever idea. A great success. My goal of course had been to make myself feel like I'd slept in a centrifuge.  My room didn't stop moving that day, as within mere hours of waking up, I was drinking again as preperation for Boxing Day Krash. Excellent night. Hugely overzealous greetings (actually being leapt upon) and huge amounts of alcohol where consumed. I vaguely remember doing the Worm (Resolution #1 DO NOT DO THE WORM). I almost defeated Jennifer, and apparently I kissed everyone. Sorry guys.

The following few days where a blur. Hangover, work, work, hangover, work, tamest New Years Eve ever in my life. This may sound anti-climactic after three days of Gazza-worthy binge, but it was honestly lovely. We had a casual couple of beverages (we being Tash and Me), before Erminia miraculously arrived in a state several states south of sober. She'd just been hit on by a friend of the family's child, and was not impressed. More drink then I suppose. We saw in the bells with Jared Leto's beutiful voice, with Kings and Queens blasting out of my speakers at the ever popular volume of "Melt Furniture". Then my mother arrived, blind drunk, making Miss Winehouse look like an amatuer. I'll gloss past this.

Erminia left, me and Tash went to bed, talked for an unreasonable amount of time, and eventually passed out.

Hello 2011, 2010 was quite good, so I have expectations. They'll be next. Oh, and the prelude is 2011, 2012 is the main feature: Z-Pocalypse.